When I look down upon my college days. . .

Is this the abyss???

2010-04-17T06:18:00.001-07:00

First of all , Pro Show entry is yet to come.. The best rock show ever in Manipal , right after 2 brilliant MUN trips.

Day after is my 3rd sess.6th sem. have studied 8 pages in the last 36 hours , had it been a normal atmosphere, i would have completed most of my portion.

But now i have fallen , i m tired.. plain tired.. mentally , physically , emotionally....exhausted.
I m losing my frnds , maybe temporarily .. but i am , we are bored of each other...there are nights , often nwadays , where Ojas 2 balcony becomes the place to secretly cry , think , stress my brain even further..Never thot i wud do such cheesy stuff.
In that quest for becoming a thinker , a wiseass guy , an intellectual , somebdy who could speak on any topic I want , .... i lost my way..I lost the ability to appreciate niceness..All i could see was presentation/skill/brains.

When people come up and say i really appreciate u dude.. i forgot the line - i really love u dude , .. it grew rare , never noticed it.
Me best frnd , grew 'attached ' to other people whom i know will disconnect sooner or later...and well..a story is about to end with her as well , be mad at me , but i have to let go nw .
i have fought for everything in my life..nothing was served to me on platter , not a single thing , but nw i m tired...
i have lost the ability to fight , to make way for myself.. to work , all i nw desire is home...me family , some close friends and I want to see a genuine smile on my face again...i want to see myself as 16 again.

I felt bad when people told me that i cant love , nw i so wish that was true.Coz it hurts ... so much.

Listen yaar..be mad at me or whatsover , u didnt accept/reject me..u kept me not in the grey area ..but threw me into the abyss...Now.Great u were , good u will be..but we did exactly what we didnt set out to do- Mess it up...

A tale of 2 MUNs

2010-04-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

ya , Long time since i posted something .. and well , its been a rather amazing sem , activities wise atleast.. and well , somethings hmm ... are in the pipeline. :)

So a Tale of 2 MUNs , sandwiched between first sessionals.
first one - BITS Goa , that place which made me lose my cent percent record in MUNs , kinda expected after my sissy partial chairperson resigned in a movement spearheaded by me , later the mantle was taken by the Russian and American delegates- Respect to Rajan and Gufran,
Of course , its not everyday when u c UK going against USA :P and having incorrect docs , false proof and yet managing to win it .. Nevermind all that , atleast the PRC and Russian Fed dels remain legendary in the campus.
One thing always amazes me , the amount i learn from a MUN. Unparalleled . Every single time i sit on the exec board or as a del of a country, immense knowledge , tact , skill is gained ...U neednt be extraordinaire brilliant,plain common sense , a keen sense of observation , decent knowledge , and to strike EXACTLY when the iron is hot ...
U do that much that the prize is yours.. maybe got struck a bit too hard.
Tellin PRC to apologise to Her Majesty's Great Britain and Northern Ireland when i was presenting facts is not a great way to gain my accolades as a chairperson , and hence I wil make u cry dear Chaiperson , weep , weep blood and i wont give a bloody damn.
great peopple on the trip though , some great females , 25 for a pint of tuborg on the beach and PT playin on the PA , surely this is the promised land.
but no , shitty accommodation, bad council halls and the worst exec board ruined it. Come to manipal boys ,our organizers wil show u the way its done.So del of PRC gets a Special Mention Prize ..

RIIMUN 2010.
Rotary Indian International MUN 2010. got selected as Co-Director WTO thru a selection procedure .. WTO , is something that i always wanted to see , the RIIMUN promised to be huge , although Symbi dominated outright becoz of the venue being Pune and symbi being a power house at MUN and PDs .9 councils and about 250 odd dels.accommodation was fantastic , 3 star hotel at subsidized rates , fud was avail at decent prices , a mun party.. and OMG was hotness prevailed among the female delegates.
a smal contigent of 4 - me rajan rakshit and ankit .. but then gufran and sahil joined us in the fun ... a very good exc board to work with ( not as good as the Manipal MUN , obviously :P) .. a brilliant director to work with in Avinash , gave me full authority to run the council , accepeted my ideas , and well it was mutual.. briliant lad ..
2nd day of council saw some of the best debate , suggestion wise, that i have seen... every single speaker had a good suggestion to put in the draft reso , only where they lacked was to implement it as group.But then , Rakshit n I wil rem the council hall for the awesomely gorgeous girls in our council.. :D lead to Ankit and especially Rajan flocking to the WTO from the SCPC every now and then .
It was a trip worth it , our attendances in college took the toll but then , something has to make way ultimately... :)
Personally i felt the Sec Gen should have been a bit more firmer , cant blame him as i opened up my MUN account seeing Prateek as the Sec Gen.., also the Press Core was reduced to a bunch of Jokers , that part , sorry , not appreciated..
On the whole , out of 3 trips , this was the best one..
and oh , got to eat in McD's after so long!!

Little PR accidents are important

2010-01-21T05:22:00.000-08:00

Who says it takes a plan to make /catch a friend.Made 4 brilliant by pure accident.In chronological order-

1.Sadi- Rank 1758 , ya , i choose ECE . Rank 1759 , Shiv Ram Krishna Pande , well ECE seems a catchy enuf name , Ok meet too ECE and we go on to become the best of friends.. now i come to know there are dating coulpes who envy our friendship!

2.Mihir- Soham introduced me to Mihir on the first day of hostel . Shiv- Oh Mihir , thats a easy name to rem ... we go onto work on all projects together apart from the usual dinners !and visiting each other rooms once in every .wt..10 mins or so :)

3.Dhir - I later came to know his parents had named him Gaurav.Text Book section water filter area it was , where dhir was seemingly studyin , 45 mins later i knew this boy could be a damn nice person to work and share a beer or a laff with ,Right i was . Cheers mate.

4.Prateek-Pre MUN debate , a weird sunday morning , hardly nebdy turns for it , but i knw this was my chance to get a headstart for Manipal MUN 2009 as a del. although i didnt win it , i and prateek go onto become damn nice buddies , winning the VIT MUN , vice chairin the Manipal MUN. Did i say i woke up early on that sunday morning hoping to be a del at Manipal MUN????????? :D

Date and Happenings

2010-01-18T08:23:00.000-08:00

Remember the next 24 hours , could be quite important . Something that could change my college life completely.
Remember Shiv , remember.
18th Jan 2010 , 21:54

Some quotes you get to hear in the campus...

2010-01-17T20:39:00.000-08:00

3 years , unlimited masti , moments of sheer genius , unimaginable stupidity , smiles , heartbreaks ,sleepless nights and even sat eves where i dozed off at 10 pm .
Seeing it all , Doing it all .

All this generates some rather interesting quotes from your friends.Here goes the best 3 that i can remember as of now.

3.IEEE guy interviewing a pretty first year on marketing of the club- So , how do you plan to sell youself ??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.Shiv addressing the HRC just after 3 days of council - So delegates , did you enjoy your chairpersons!!!????(Rahul looks on in disbelief)

But this one , beats all , coming from Sadi.

Sadi to Shiv describing her experience in a ladies badminton tournament-

You should have seen her calf muscles Shiv , She was sooo smoking hot .( I could see sadi close to salivation)
Shiv to Sadi - Yeah! i finally have a friend who swings both ways!

Life: Mr.Pande? Shiv: Ya? Life: So u dont want any more adventures between the end sems? Shiv: WHY WOULD I? Life: OK , There you go , Life screws you

2009-12-05T23:51:00.001-08:00

I had a very clear aim , pass these bloody end sems with the least of extra curricular work(which i thot were my main distraction)
Normally i tend a nice routine during exams , needless to say , thats why i dont score much :D.8 hours of sleep,a bit of sitcom watching and everything.
So first , end sems dont get off to a gud start , but recovery happens. then health swings.then end sems become better.Now 4 down , 2 to go.Slowly the happy phase is about to come.coz well AOOPS is there after a 2 day break, so must be good eh?

Now my dear Life comes into focus.

So when the dearest friend of yours comes to tell you , that she is heart broken (or something like that) , with her (pseudo)BF - who BTW is one of the biggest nutcases around- News like this tends to shock the bloody living daylight out of u.

See, there is a pattern , at the first attempt , the worst of guys get the best of girls.Now that coudnt happen to this frnd of mine ! could it! It DID.and nobdy apart from me knew it.
It pains , its a searing pain when u see ur frnd cryin over a jerk .. u dont know what to say ..curse the guy or appreciate the lady...and well seeing tears are just not pretty..that too when the lady is resting on you.so our little doubt clearing session in the lib became a consoling session on the lib stairs.
My world , i havent been that hurt in a long long time.. that too when the guy is tryin to hurt the lady by not accepting her call of parting ways. So now do u corner and hit the guy , or do u respect ur frnds call?.

i discovered later , you should respect her call and give her time. I didnt.
Being the normal analyst that i tend to be , I put some blame on her , and curse her (pseudo) BF. NOT pretty Shiv , not pretty.

But then , there is a certain level of confidence and trust u expect from your frnd. telling me about all this so secretively when everything has gone spiralling out of your hands is quite agitating.

Yet , i held onto my calm(dont know how.)

I DIDNT LIKE THE SITUATION I WAS PUT IN , A BIT.

But as a dear frnd , but someone confides in you, u have to step up.
And in the coming days , my health degrades, further and further.Emotional trauma doesnt go well with my body.
somehow i sit down to study , and give a great exam.

Now , walking back along with her after the exams , the topic is raised again(to the least of my pleasure)and then i call the guy an 'emotional psychophat!' , Well , i hold onto my words(just ill timed as i later clarified)
and then i hear out of her mouth ,"He is a nice guy, dont comment on people u dont know , U r a a bloody rude person". DONE. THATS IT. You make a wretched call in your life ,cry all over me , then i get this .
Sorry lady , as much i like u , Incompetent Fucks and wretched calls arent accepted.

You are indeed a special frnd to me , and i try my level best to repay ur trust in me...yes agreed , i hurried up your relapsing behaviour , should have respected ur situation a bit more. But me dear , i came to know one thing. U DONT KNOW ME A BIT.NOT A BIT.

I thought you would see the real me, apart from the fake image i keep in college to ward off flies , but u didnt and that day , u put a nail in the coffin.I am indeed a tad dissapointed.

Acceptance isnt a Yes or a No , its a grey area.Theres where you have put me in .

A interesting one...Rather amazingly complex to decipher

2009-10-29T02:17:00.000-07:00

5th sem , Its been quite a sem for me , and although still a month is left for the closure of the sem , but I would not want any more 'interesting ' experiences this sem , the quota seems pretty much complete.

The rising social issue i had melted away , but it had its minor repercussions every now and then.

Winning the VIT MUN was the highlight of the sem , alongwith being elected as Vice Chair of the HRC at the Manipal MUN , about 40 days in this sem my life was only circling around MUNs , and that was a massive experience , theres not one college competition which can rival it , be it with regard to the amount of work one has to do , the degree of professionalism , the exposure that one obtains or the sheer intensity of competition , 3 fucking days!!! Kills u , but yet manages to leave a smile on your face.

TMR- Brilliant , nothing short of sheer brilliance , although i didn't work as hard as i had thought , workload goes down and performance just increases manifold when u have a great team or should i say a great set of individuals working on it.
Lakhs of Rupees pouring in by the end of the sem , Shirt deal , Logistics deal , Press deal , Media deals , Cash deals, Registration deals . You name it , We got it done...

Internship- Got selected at Reliance InfoCom within 2 days of sending my CV , again sheer brilliance ,unfortunately that means i cant attend Porcupine Tree at Mood Indigo , as much i hate seeing PT at IIT- B and not MIT , Manipal , u cant take the fact those nerdy bastards are indeed more passionate about their work than 99.99% percent of MITians .

Academics- the less said , the better , 3rd sessionals is getting me out of big trouble and now all i can do is work my ass off and leave the rest to god and my dear oh dear nastingly suicidal department ...

In General- There are times when u feel let down , broken apart .. but when u have a rather great set of friends in different places in different capacities , when u have a fight and next day u receive a even more closer friend than last time , it leaves a eerie smile that doesn't go away for quite some time...
Also, Work attracts jealously , and then you actually discover who is your buddy and who is not , leading to change in set of friends , not the core ones , their importance becomes even more critical, but the others....and that transition was quite smooth this time...And hence I like this sem.

5th one in the series of 8.

2009-07-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

I keep a mental track of what i do on the first day and last day of each sem, this time decided to put it down.

4th sem ended in the best possible way for me , another sleepless night , no alcohol in system , but felt damn fit after a long long time.

Courtesy - My Love - Football , even though i aint that good at keeping her happpy , lets just say i keep (her) fairly well :P

first day of 5th sem alongwith a new director is already seeing points of authority being established in the college.

Anti Ragging posters everywhere, seriously dude ,we arent after the blood of young 18 year olds .

A campus patrol car that the Delhi Police would like to have in its squadron.

17 , no less than 17 2nd years facing suspension coz of ragging , I m guessing they asked the name of some junior.

While the academic block looks damn hot on plans , its doesnt resemble it anyway right now (4 months needed for completion), and since MIT , Manipal likes showing off , took in about 2k students ,leading classes to be til 7 pm in the eve (till acad block is complete), even 8 in certain sections.Corporate Torture Training is the only positive reason I can possibly think of.

The sem has barely begun and loads of issues are engulfing me . Be it the 12 k or EnC or TMR ..i can see a lively but a very very challenging sem ahead of me.

And yah , there is a quite terrible social life issue rising in my head, most of it is based on certain observations , it might compound or it might just disappear .But reasons for either of them happening are more or less the same , this is what you call Catch -22.

2009-07-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

There is a serious lack of a particular type of FRND in my life. and i not speaking of a G-F or a BF for that matter :P

Manipal has such amazing people to be friends with , but somehow even in my rather large of friends i just could not get that one. That essential one, sadly, that TYPE OF FRND , i found in someone or the other no matter where i went , just not in college.

I have put my hopes on someone who cares but cant just express it that well.Problem.

4th sem ends...

2009-07-06T11:19:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the 4^th sem I was thoroughly bored and disgusted… never I knew that quite an amazing sem was lyin ahead of me..that it will the sem where I accept that indeed Manipal offers you endless opportunities provided-

You know the right people

2.Convince that little idiot in front of your face that he is not only stupid but an ignorant faggot as well, all this without losing your temper- I m stil tryin to master this point though :P

3.YOUR IDEA IS FOOLPROOF

4.Probably the most important one as I discovered, u need friends who know how and when to work. Someone who can hide your weakness , push up your strengths and vice versa.

4^th sem wasn’t a breeze in any possible way..

There was a moment where I broke down.

There was a time I felt like tearing all my nails apart.

A moment where I began to think I was losing track some of my friends

And there was a time when I established that good partying or class buddies aren’t automatically classified as good friends.

So what was it that made 4^th sem so special…

Manipal started feeling like a very nice city.

Ojas 2,Room 26 signified home , but Akshaya mess didn’t become the ideal kitchen by a rather long margin.

I scored terribly in all my subjects, still liked most of them :D

But then happened Battle of the Bands , the shitty little rock show that happened in MIT during the cultural fest Revels and there came an shiny little idea in my head.

Lets atleast transform this shit into shit served on platter with garnishing of coriander leaves served with Red Wine.

Hence began 15 days of non stop of shouting ,clearances, budget details and banging heads into other dick heads.

Obviously if college music head asks you if the headline band is participating or not, You feel like murdering… either him or yourself .I would go for the former though.

So all in it feels special when somebody who resented your function all along the way comes up to you and says, What a eve man! , Well done.

Or a rock crazy guy says , best night since Maiden in Bangalore.{Though that was a bit too much, Too much of Power Horse in his system I guess :D}

And what a team worked on that project. Sid, Mihir , Gaurav and my dear Piyush sir.

5 guys , 15 days, changed a function totally , gave the best rock show in years, and coolly fucked off to greener pastures later on.

In the meanwhile academics got royally screwed. Like Royally.

As the sem began to close , one phone call disrupts my daily routine, some senior asking for sponsorship data compiled in the last sem for an Off Road racing team.

Details were solid and work was saved so it was presented to the nice sounding chap .

Things worked out although not as well as I would have thought , but I was back again in the thick of things , gathering money for Team Manipal Racing , enabling to get them to Wisconsin for the competition. With the right people happy with your work, 3^rd year seemed to beckon with team leadership on the cards.

Was I mentioning something about greener pastures?? This was it.

And how did the senior chap suddenly remember about me- the success achieved by Battle of the Bands, quality and quantity wise. Quantity being a reference to the amount of moolah that was in excess ,even though we didn’t charge any tickets for th e show :D . So TMR goes on to achieve the best ever finish by an Indian Team , now that was some team with the good elements chucking out the bad ones at regular intervals of time.

Things stand at their best ever phase as of this day.

Many more “friends ” were lost , leading to a very clear cut group of people that I hope I can truly Friends.

Academics although is still where it was but work and recognition is on an exponential rise and this is the pattern I wanted , because this was the pattern of my school life , which was rather impressive by the time it ended.

Now I am dressed in a black three piece suit waiting to welcome in 5^th sem into Room 26, Ojas 2.

Drifting In and Out..

2009-01-29T05:01:00.000-08:00

4th sem starts and started it has...

This time around though something is different. Different in a negative sense.

I simply have nothing at all to look forward to.. 1st sem – C-O-L-L-E-G-E

2nd sem- U realise exactly when do to what kind of masti.

3rd sem- Lets study and see how badly does my branch kick my arse.And oh ya,A new hostel, new roommate , all good friends around u..Promises to be a jolly good time this sem !

4th sem... Ummm.... Well lets see... Campus .. Booze... Hostel masti.. Branch.... I have already explored all of those options.

All that remains is to discover a town which is well stocked BUT smaller than the Univ.
Probably go outside and discover a nearby by tourist spot and burn a rather DEEP hole in my pocket.
Now see i don’t have too much against travelling but i would appreciate my money going into Choco Fudge Brownies rather than tiring myself out on journeys.
Joining clubs .. Working in them is an attractive option though, But in a place having five thousand people , making a name for yourself isn’t easy at a time when 90% of your seniors think of u as a toss bag or someone who is good enough to “run about the campus”.When u see a project crashing in front of your eyes which was supposed to be your “Big Break” , it really does hurt and it hurts worse when u realise that u were indeed a toss bag .Nothing more,Nothing Less.

In such a situation all u can hope is to find the right set of people around u . Which i did and did not.
Having a rather group of acquaintances helps but in MIT, it helps only to a certain extent. Formality parties and Fake smiles are the very tip of the iceberg in that respect.
So when your problems are compounding .. what is the way out. As i see it ,

Go play Ball !

Or join one more club- The Law of averages should hold true.!

Or simply organize another booze party..doesnt take that much effort u know.

Or keep that fake smile and entertaining mood... Might actually convert that fake smile into a real one.

Some prefer to well...Sleep..I am not sure if that works though.
And dare not forget that overdose of sugar in one of those Choco Fudge Brownies !

And the Curtain Falls...

2008-12-31T11:36:00.001-08:00

Its quite an evening , the very last day of the year numbered 2008, like a file , a file on which the dust is just about to start settling.
It really transpires the image of a small cabin with a little green man looking upon the File 2008 who is just about to close it.
I call it a small cabin because in the eyes of this celestial system where the CEO is like some Chief who has been only heard of , whose has never been seen, we are nothing but a file in the hands of a really junior officer hoping he will make it big someday because he has been given Earth to study upon !
The little green man is also using his intra office contacts trying his best to verify that he is the only one with a file of a planet having life :D
I remember the very first day of 2008. it was the day numerologists found a reason to get published in all forms of media by giving the ruling that 8 being a erratic number can bring great achievements OR great disasters in a short span of time.
The year really turned to be pretty close to it, BUT well it can be argued that is bound to happen with a planet having about 6 billion of the ruling species in too many locations, style of living and ambitions.
On the other hand India as a country saw both sides of the coin.
Be it the finalization of the Nuclear Deal
The immense success that our athletes achieved,
The unprecedented 20k mark being touched by the Sensex

BUT certain events didn’t let the happy moments sink in
A global meltdown thanks to the All Powerful USA and its amazing Banking System.
The 26/11 attacks on Mumbai, where the Nation was held at gunpoint.
The Sensex going below the 10k mark as the financial crisis reached India.
And there were the days where bomb blasts happened in practically every corner of the country.
With our elected representatives again having the sheer guts to divide people on basis of where they were born.(and they say the British divided India)

Keeping all this in mind, 2008 wont be a year whose file immediately goes to the closed section but a file which shall rest in the For Later Reference section.

2008-12-31T11:35:00.001-08:00

Trying my hand at blogging for the second time now ...that too after a lot of persuasion from friends and family.
The last one , well it didnt come out the way i wanted it to be very honest.
But ya it was like looking back into the past of mid teens wid a magnifying glass, as i could see exactly how my thought process has changed during the last few years in which i have seen many transitions taking place within and outisde me.
This blog hopefully will serve as the same as the last one did, a little space in this great Spider's web , a little string which i can hold onto for life as remember my early adutlhood days as probably the best days of my life, the days where all the restrictions were taken off me , the days where i started to decisions and talking rationally , the days where i truly LEARNT