Saturday, April 17, 2010

Is this the abyss???

First of all , Pro Show entry is yet to come.. The best rock show ever in Manipal , right after 2 brilliant MUN trips.

Day after is my 3rd sess.6th sem. have studied 8 pages in the last 36 hours , had it been a normal atmosphere, i would have completed most of my portion.

But now i have fallen , i m tired.. plain tired.. mentally , physically , emotionally....exhausted.
I m losing my frnds , maybe temporarily .. but i am , we are bored of each other...there are nights , often nwadays , where Ojas 2 balcony becomes the place to secretly cry , think , stress my brain even further..Never thot i wud do such cheesy stuff.
In that quest for becoming a thinker , a wiseass guy , an intellectual , somebdy who could speak on any topic I want , .... i lost my way..I lost the ability to appreciate niceness..All i could see was presentation/skill/brains.

When people come up and say i really appreciate u dude.. i forgot the line - i really love u dude , .. it grew rare , never noticed it.
Me best frnd , grew 'attached ' to other people whom i know will disconnect sooner or later...and well..a story is about to end with her as well , be mad at me , but i have to let go nw .
i have fought for everything in my life..nothing was served to me on platter , not a single thing , but nw i m tired...
i have lost the ability to fight , to make way for myself.. to work , all i nw desire is home...me family , some close friends and I want to see a genuine smile on my face again...i want to see myself as 16 again.

I felt bad when people told me that i cant love , nw i so wish that was true.Coz it hurts ... so much.

Listen yaar..be mad at me or whatsover , u didnt accept/reject me..u kept me not in the grey area ..but threw me into the abyss...Now.Great u were , good u will be..but we did exactly what we didnt set out to do- Mess it up...

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